Parenting skills may be the most important mentoring skills we can have. I was lucky. My younger years were good ones. My parents could afford to expose me to many great experiences. They gave me a great home to live in, took me on family trips, sent me to camp, etc. Most important, they were somehow able to teach me to have appreciation for all of this while not taking it for granted.
As parents, we must realize that we are our children's first and most important mentors. Dr. J. Zink is one of my favorite authors on the subject of raising kids. The title of one of his book series says it all: champions in the making. Our children are the future champions of the world. We must take the time and make the effort to be the best mentors and role models we can be.
My parents taught me why things were right and why things were wrong. And as I went into my teenage years, I was given a tremendous amount of independence. My mom says it is because I made good choices that she was able to trust me.
My parents knew the secret. They didn't have to tell me what to do. They gave me what I needed to make the right choices.
Teaching children to make the right choices is quite different from simply teaching children "right and wrong." They must be taught why. This reminds me of the proverb that goes something like this:
Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day.
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
However, in this context that proverb might say:
Tell a child, they know for the moment.
Teach a child, they understand forever.
When my parents "taught me a lesson" (another way of saying "punished me") they gave me the "why" behind it. They didn't just say, "Bad boy. Go to your room." Realizing there is a consequence for bad behavior isn't enough, however. Even at a certain young age, we are able to understand why certain behavior is bad. Once we understand, we can be taught to make the right choices.
--Shep Hyken
Shep Hyken made the transition from entertainer to speaker, and is currently a professional speaker who mixes information with humor and magic for his audiences.
